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Author`s name Timothy Bancroft-Hinchey

Take your Houseplant for a Walk Day

Take your Houseplant for a Walk Day. 44988.jpegNo, it isn't a joke. It's a business. Wednesday July 27 is Take Your Houseplant for a Walk Day, so if you see someone in the park pulling a houseplant along on a piece of string talking to it, telling it to hurry up, threatening it to get a move on or to stop being so silly, you do not need to call the man with the white van.

 

The Romans had around 200 public holidays a year - indeed, the word "holiday" comes from "Holy Day" which were days when agricultural communities stopped working, in order to rest and share the produce they had through festivities. These in turn acted as self-regulatory mechanisms for communities, to see what stocks people had, who was more needy and who was not present, and therefore needed help. They were also a perfect vehicle through which to implement control mechanisms through the institutions which organised them.

 

As time went on, the weekend became institutionalised as the two-day break and became implanted in the mid-nineteenth century, around the 1840s and stood alongside the Christian religious holidays in Europe and the Americas as the rest days, while in the Moslem world the sacred days and periods of Islam were (and are) observed.

 

But that was not enough. Other "days" were resurrected or instituted, like Valentine's Day, a Christianization of the Roman Lupercalia Fertility Festival. This was one of the many fertility rites during planting season (Carnival, Easter) after the festivals of light during the winter season (St. Martin's Day, Christmas, New Year, Epiphany).

 

As if this wasn't enough, nowadays any request for a country to institute a national "day" which is not exclusive, insulting or racist can be taken to the UNO, which generally accepts it. Among the myriad of international "days" (just in July, see the list below) we now have Take your Houseplant for a Walk Day (July 27), the International Chicken Wing Day (July 1), International Cherry Pit Spitting Day (July 2), Compliment your Mirror Day (July 3), Don't Step on a Bee Day (July 10), Cow Appreciation Day (July 16), Yellow Pig Day (July 17) and Barbie-in-a-blender Day (July 27).

 

Then there is the Restless Leg Syndrome Awareness Week (July 18 to 25), Rabbit Week (July 15 to 21) and International Chicken Wing Week (July 1 to 4), during the Eggplant and Lettuce Month, the Freedom from Fear of Speaking Month, The International Zine Month, the National Horseradish month and the National "Doghouse Repairs" Month.

 

What fun.

 

Seriously, though, may I be boring? Suppose we had an International Day when we respect the human condition, when we respect the inviolability of the human body, we reject sexism, racism and homophobia, we speak out against the war lobbies which invent wars to go overseas and bomb people from 30,000 feet to spread freedom and democracy? Could I suggest that every people and country be left alone to live within its own political and societal systems?

 

And suppose we made it not a day but a fundamental precept of the New World Order, based on an international community which respected and upheld international law? This would involve a dissolution of the UNO as an upholder of law (because it doesn't) and a separate international legal organism with its founder members coming from the BRIC block (Brazil, Russia, India, China), including other Latin American nations such as Uruguay, Venezuela, Mexico (possibly), Caribbean nations such as Cuba and Haiti, the African Union countries (some), possibly Switzerland, Iran, Indonesia, Vietnam, for a start. Automatic exclusion for anyone involved with NATO would be a must.

 

Now wouldn't that be a wonderful start to a New World Order? And may I suggest this NATO RAP Song as its Anthem?

 

NATO RAP SONG

 

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

Da younga da kid

Da coola it is

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

 

It's freedom an' ddddddemocracy

We kill yo kids

We set you free

It's freedom an' dddddemocracy

How cool it is ta hear dem scream

 

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

Da younga da kid

Da coola it is

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

 

We bomb yo home

All dat you own

When da pressure's on, yoh!

Yo family's gone, yoh!

 

We bomb yo kids

Dat's where it is

From thousandsa feet

It's kinda sweet, yoh!

 

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

Da younga da kid

Da coola it is

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

 

We'll take yo lands

We'll tie yo hands

An' take yo ass

An' civil civil civilise

 

Wid da bullet an' da Bible

Yo lady's ass is mine, yoh!

We'll get yo oil,

Yoh! Dat's our spoils

Yoh! yo modda fakka burn

Yo gotta modda fakkin learn

 

You learn yo place

Dat's where you's at

It's lower than us

It's simple as dat

 

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

Da younga da kid

Da coola it is

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

NATO! Yoh!! (screams)

 

© D. G. B. Hinchey

 

More serious list of International Days:

http://www.altiusdirectory.com/Society/world-days-list.php

 

Complete list of Celebrations:

 

http://www.brownielocks.com/month2.html

 

Timothy Bancroft-Hinchey

Pravda.Ru

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