Do not bother making jokes. This family has heard them all.
No, they do not communicate directly with Santa Claus. And they do not celebrate the holidays all year.
The comments are part of life when your last name is Christmas, especially when two of your family members are named - yes - Mary.
"People ask me all the time, 'What were your parents thinking?"' said the younger Mary Christmas, 30. "I never minded. It's a conversation piece."
It all started on Christmas Day 1935, when the elder Mary wedded Henry Christmas. They had Bob Christmas, who married Peggy and had six children.
Mary was born first and was named for her grandmother. The spirit of the season took hold again when Christy Noel, now 23, was born, the AP says.
And it does not end there. Bob's brother married Cathy Holiday, and they had a daughter named Carol. And Bob's sister married into the White family, becoming Jeane Christmas White.
The Christmas family lives up to its cheerful name. They are a lively bunch, finishing each other's sentences and laughing at a constant stream of jokes.
"You can tell we're a happy family," said the elder Mary Christmas, who is 90.
So what is Christmas like at the Christmases'?
Christmas Eve involves a family dinner, a church service, the reading of the Christmas story from the Bible and then one gift per family member. The children - from 12 to 30 years old - build forts in the living room out of blankets and furniture and fall asleep watching Christmas movies. Christmas Day includes a big family brunch with biscuits and gravy, and a Christmas dinner.
The Christmas children say the only time their last name gets old is during roll call at school. They groan at the thought.
"The first day of the semester in college, I was like, 'Here we go,"' said the younger Mary, who graduated from Liberty University, where one professor made her stand in front of a lecture hall full of students when he saw her name.
Peggy said the name keeps her on her toes.
"When you're out shopping and things, you make sure you're not grumpy or rude to someone who's helping you because in the end when you go to pay, they see your name is Christmas," she said.
Despite the Christmases' lighthearted talk about their name, they take it seriously, too.
"It would be my goal that our lives as a family exemplify not just the birth of Christ, but the life of Christ," said Robby, 28.
With that, he was answered with a chorus of amens.
"We should use shock therapy to sober up the Americans. In this case, the Americans will speak about the need to resume dialogue. There is no other option"
The United States is concerned about the current crisis in the relations with Russia and suggests returning to reasonable policies to avoid a nuclear war