Opinion » Columnists
Author`s name Ольга Савка

Bush announces the US is very close to capturing Bin Laden.

Never mind that Bin Laden could be anywhere in the world

Bush said we will not win against the terrorists, and then he changed his election song and says we will win the war against terrorists, and then he tells us we have victory and we won the war against terrorism.

Now, we are told, in less than lucid terms, that we are very close to apprehending Bin Laden.  Republicans, as if on pre-programmed queue, jump from their seats, echo this same sentiment with all the heart touching emotion a flock of geese can muster, and with up raised right arms shout “Four more years”.

With a single narrow focused nationalistic fervor seen in all right wing autocratic mono syllable governments, Bush has gotten his time table mandate for his militarily decisive, National Guard heroic tactics, assisted by a man who evaded the draft, backed by his daughter, a lesbian who wants civil rights but is the affront to the Good Old Gospel Hour for the moment Bush family religious values designed for the new American Reich – or the 'Right Way' if you prefer.

Never mind that Bin Laden could be anywhere in the world mingling in the hundreds of billions who walk the path of Bush righteousness.  From the strip joints in Los Angeles, to the Art Galleries in France, and/or possibly the skiing slopes in Switzerland.  From the outback in Australia, or from Texas brothels, to the Black Forest in Germany, or a quaint English cottage, Bin Laden is close to being captured alright. This election, this time for sure, Bin Laden could be caught. 

Sounds impressive coming from the man who knew too much and did too little back in 2001. Or someone who the Texas Air Guard now admits there are more than just some very major documents missing regarding Bush's 5 month unauthorized hiatus from this guard duty.

Could it be that Bin Laden is actually a registered Republican and he too was at the GOP convention in New York? 

Why do I think Bin Laden is really a card carrying Republican and possibly a haunt of the Republican convention?   Like Bush, Bin Laden got ahead in this world by pulling stings using daddy's money.  Both men have extensive, if not somewhat partial, military service and background.  Both are of the philosophy of when in doubt bomb it into nothingness. 

Both Bush and Bin Laden are convinced that God speaks to them and tells them what to do next.  Both feel paranoid and need protection – Bin Laden sits in caves with tons of mountain above, below, and to the sides to protect him, Bush sits in the Oval Office surrounded by thousands of Secret Service Agents.  Both believe they are fighting a war ordained by God. 

The only thing that separates the two men is the fact Bush needs drugs to keep his head on straight.  Ah, the man who would be sedated to keep him sane while sustaining attacks from an invisible liberal Satan (like Michael Moore) that has corrupted Bush's inner circle, his outer circle, his sphincter, and probably a whole nation for that matter.  Oh, those who speak in dissenting voices are following Lucifer to Un-Patriotic, Un-American, and the enemies of the state who need a little southern bible belt whoop-ass. Don't believe in continuing the war, don’t believe that every American needs to be personally armed with as many guns as their paranoid, over the hill, fiber demanding bodies can carry, believe in equal taxation, balanced budget, and health care?  You just might need some southern Texas sized brass knuckles to beat you into far right convictions.

Both Bin Laden and Bush like to ride horses – in the windmills of the mind, classic overture of riding into the sunset to get the bad guys.  To save the innocent from Truth, Justice, and a saner administration.

Both Bush and Bin Laden have earned the red badge of courage – Bin Laden has been wounded a time or two, and Bush’s red badge of courage is best defined in the letters AWOL. Bush’s red badge though is significantly shifted to the yellow end of the spectrum.  A little spin doctor spray paint might fix that, but throw a little more money into the mix and we can shift attention from it all together.

We have never seen a picture of Bin Laden's wife; conversely America is subjected to the face of Laura Bush and her cross eyed blank stare that makes one wonder if the wheel is turning but the hamster is dead. Given the choice, I think I'd rather start seeing pictures of Hillary again.  At least when Hillary talks about millions, she is talking about her money – when Laura Bush talks about millions, she thinks she is talking about the swift boats television ads denouncing her husband.  Laura doesn't think it is unfair to lie about other people for the New American 10 commandments say nothing about “Thou shalt not bear false witness”.  Why - it has too many religious overtones that might be difficult to rationalize.

Bin Laden has accountants to balance his numbers. Bush needs a new calculator. So far America has lost 974 soldiers in the Iraq conflict, 836 of those losses were after Bush declared complete and total victory.

So rather than looking for the ever elusive Bin Laden in such exotic places as Pakistan or Des Moines, Iowa,   I suggest we start looking at the Bush and Cheney reelection campaign headquarters.  Birds of a feather flock together, the old saying goes.

Michael Berglin

The United States' Head of Diplomacy, or Secretary of State, is an anachronistic, incompetent, meddling, intrusive, insolent and arrogant, rude individual, a brash, foul-mouthed upstart, a conceited, self-important guttersnipe and an insult to the international community, as fit for the job as a pedophile janitor in a grade school.

Tillerson must go!