Memorial Day speech
Ladies and gentlemen:
During the Memorial Day Holiday, it is customary to honor those courageous individuals who lost their lives in the numerous wars America has fought during its two hundred and thirty years of existence. But it goes without saying that nobody questions the bravery, the commitment and the sacrifice made by those intrepid men and women.
So, in today’s world, it is perhaps more fitting to devote a Memorial Day Speech to the cowards, the liars, the hypocrites and the exploiters who made many of these wars, including the current Iraqi war, possible.
First and foremost, we must thank George W. Bush, a “pro-life” warmonger who instigated the Iraqi war based upon nothing but outright lies, and who then “intrepidly” challenged Iraqi insurgents to “bring it on” from the safety of the White House in Washington D.C., one of the most fortified buildings in the world, located in one of the most fortified cities in the world.
Americans should not forget that, when the time came for Bush to serve his country during the Vietnam War, he did not hesitate to use his family’s wealth and influence to avoid combat duty, instead performing some National Guard duties, the nature of which remains nebulous to this day.
Soldiers wounded in Iraq should also remember that even though their conditions could potentially be improved through advancements in stem-cell research, Bush opposes such research, thus ensuring that such advancements will never be made.
Americans should also not forget the “heroism” of the venal Dick Cheney, who received five separate deferments to avoid combat duty in Vietnam. When asked why he took such extraordinary measures to avoid military service, Cheney replied that he had “other priorities.” Well, I’m sure that many of those who did serve in Vietnam (or who are currently serving in Iraq) had (and have) other priorities as well.
We must also not forget that paradigm of cowardice and hypocrisy, Tom Delay. Delay’s cowardice was shown by the lame excuse he gave for his failure to serve in Vietnam: That so many “minority youth” had enlisted in the military, there was no room for “patriotic folks” like him.
Delay’s hypocrisy was shown when he proclaimed during the Clinton administration that “bombing a sovereign nation for ill-defined reasons with vague objectives undermines American stature in the world,” yet announced during the Bush dictatorship that “it's not the time to be questioning this president on how he is carrying out the war."
Of course, this speech would be remiss if one did not mention how an apparent alliance between “The Swift Boat Veterans” and Sinclair Broadcasting Group, owner of the largest chain of television stations in the United States, resulted in hypocritical attacks on Presidential Candidate John Kerry and his conduct during the Vietnam War, particularly since, by attacking Kerry, these veterans were basically endorsing the candidacy of two cowards who avoided even serving in Vietnam.
And naturally we should not forget all those other politicians who have emulated Bush and Cheney by voting to send young men and women off to wars that neither they nor their loved ones have volunteered to participate in. After all, why demand that Bush’s twin daughters endure the rigors of fighting in a war their father illegally started when they can “productively” spend their time drinking excessively and running nude through hotel hallways in Argentina?
But war would not be war without its legion of fans, particularly the fans of country music. Performers in this genre have made the exploitation of war an art form. So thank you Tim McGraw for performing “If You’re Reading This,” at the Academy of Country Music Awards—a venue much more fitting than singing in combat fatigues from the front lines in Iraq. And thank you Toby Keith for “bravely” volunteering to “kick ass” in Iraq from the safety of the concert stage and recording studio. And we should not forget to thank Kid Rock, that transparent opportunist who suddenly began appearing on country music stations when his support of the Iraqi war lost him fans in the “rock-and-roll” arena. Nor should we forget to thank the equally opportunistic Larry the Cable Guy, who used the comedy stage to praise Toby Keith’s cowardice, while condemning the Dixie Chicks for having the courage to denounce this cowardice.
But these performers would not be possible without all those country music fans who buy their records and attend their concerts or movies, never once asking these performers why, if they are so “patriotic,” they aren’t serving their country in the military, instead of just singing about it.
Next we must thank the stars of television and movies: the Gary Sinises, the Ron Silvers, the Dennis Millers, the Bruce Willis(s), the Elisabeth Hasselbecks, and other such cowards who, like many of their country music counterparts, “fight” the Iraqi war from the safety of television and movie studios. After all, if there weren’t real soldiers actually risking life and limb, people, like Willis and Sinise, could not draw bloated paychecks playing soldiers in the “Hollywoodland” of make believe.