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How to quarrel properly

No family can avoid quarrels. However, when you quarrel, do it properly.
Here  is some practical advice from psychologist Nina Gribova.
1. Don’t let anybody to involve you in quarrel. Frequently, people start quarreling because of a minor thing, and each quarrel has its provocateur. Resist if you feel you are being put into quarrel. A quarrel needs a partner (hysteric needs a spectator). Don’t get involved in some conflict conversation, and you will avoid a quarrel. Humor and self-irony will help you in this.

2. If you have a grudge against your partner, try to voice them. Nobody has to guess what you have in mind. Any claim can be voiced as an offer to change something. This is less conflict-provoking form. "We have not been at the seaside for two years! I am sick and tired of all", these words will lead to quarrel. What if express the same idea to solve the problem, “Let’s save money a little, and go to the seaside. We have not spent quality time together so long!” Such wording will help to avoid a quarrel.

3. Emotion is your main enemy when you have a quarrel. A reproach voiced calmly is absolutely different thing. If you cannot speak calmly – write down your claims and read them to your partner.

 4. Any reproach to your partner is a conflict situation. Use the method of “delayed claim” to avoid a quarrel. For example, you noticed that your husband spends too much time with his friends.  Now he is off to see his friends again… Stop! Now it is not good timing to voice your thoughts. You’d better discuss the issues with your husband later, after you say, “I have something to tell you”. And you will have a civilized discussion.

5. Remember that a word can hurt. Especially the word of reply to another unpleasant word. Try to avoid offensive words not to feel sorry later.

6. A family quarrel has deep roots. A wife often starts a quarrel because of a minor thing, “Why did not you empty a dustbin?”, but in fact, she wants to say something more important, "You are inconsiderate to me, you don’t love me". Find out the real causes of any quarrel, otherwise you will get suck in ever-lasting scandals caused by minotr things.

7. In many families a man says “I love you” only when quarreling with his wife. The husband telling his wife that she is the best woman in the world and remembering that women like flowers and perfume, will avoid many quarrels.

8. Never quarrel in presence of other people. A quarrel is a very intimate kind of communication. Don’t make the things worse by allowing other people to see you quarreling.
 
9. Don’t be small-minded, don't recollect which of you started quarreling and who could his opponent with names more. Have strength to be the first to say, “Forgive me, I was wrong!” You will benefit from such words in any quarrel.

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