Debating issues related to sex in the media is often seen as one of the positive consequences of the sexual revolution. Sex is finally out in the open, so to speak.
However, a revolution is often followed by a reaction. Likewise, erotica liberated has become a tyrant. Sex has ceased to be a means. It transformed into an end or an end in itself on the sly. Something akin to cult status was attached to sex. So what is the result of these changes? First off, folks are supposed to have sex in the morning and in the evening. And what about those who do not care about sex? Needless to say, they should be ashamed of themselves. Secondly, a missionary position belongs to the past; these days you are supposed to have sex on a desk in the office, study the Kama Sutra regularly, and record your sexual exploits on a web camera.
In other words, sex has been taken out of context of a relationship. Therefore, sex becomes a compulsory motive exercise as pleasure becomes a sacred duty of the one engaged in sexual activities. At least some of the public and the media seem to convey this notion of sex to us these days. Yet the aims declared and everyday realities tend to disagree, creating certain discomforts for the rank and file.
The more, the better
One of the most popular games for the title of a sex giant has a punch line with a question mark: “How often did you get it on?” Typical answers may include: “I did it seven times over the weekend,” and “I did it ten times with two guys.”
A bit of tar: Any contest for the benefit of quality is bound to decrease the quality of a process. A heated debate over one’s sexual exploits (both real and imaginary) normally brings about an inferiority complex. According to statistics, one out of five big city dwellers is reported to suffer from the discrepancies between his sex life and some universally recognized sexual standards.
Besides, it remains unclear who devised those standards. After all, what kind of uniformity with regard to sexual relations are we talking about? Those who derive much more pleasure from collecting stamps or bird-watching are likely to be at a loss when it comes to the issue of universal sexual standards.
Live a life of self-indulgence
Sex is regarded a requirement that is as natural as hunger or sleep. Therefore, you should not ignore it if you want to be ranked among the full-fledged humans. That is to say, you can cause damage to your health by not having enough sex during a given period.
A bit of tar: In actuality, sex cannot be by any means compared with a strong need for food or sleep. One can lead a healthy life without having sex for months and even years provided he or she is not affected by a complex of unaccomplished sexual duty. Yet again, the problem has to do with one’s mental health. A need for sex is a very complex issue; it does not boil down to mechanical work of the genitalia.
As a rule, a number of other needs get mixed into the sexual craving e.g. the search for intimacy and understanding, a desire to overcome loneness, a tactile hunger a rebellion against other people, and curiosity. On the one hand, all the needs mentioned above can be satisfied without employing the sexual organs. On the other hand, “pure sex” cannot satisfy them at all.
Sexual technique is a question of paramount importance
They say that a sexual technique is the key to success in lovemaking. You can be a great lover if you know a couple of surefire positions, a proper insertion angle, and have the ability to locate a G-spot. Needless to say, you had better have some firsthand knowledge of the subject. On the other hand, there are some reservations.
A bit of tar: Sex often becomes a variety of athletic exercise performed for the sake of displaying one’s own expertise. A person whose biggest concern has to do with the question “Am I doing it right?” will inevitably disregard the other party involved in lovemaking. Such a person will end up emotionally detached while focusing on perfection of his sexual performance.
There is neither sense nor pity in orgasm
A man walks his way to orgasm in a pretty mechanical manner even if he thinks soccer in the process. It is the existence of female orgasm that makes life somewhat complicated. Besides, the issue of female orgasm got into the spotlight only in the 20th century.
A bit of tar: In fact, researchers have been trying to unravel the mystery of female orgasm for quite a while. Compared to the male orgasm, the biological reasons behind the female orgasm remain unknown. Some researchers maintain that there is a big difference between the female orgasm and pleasure derived by a woman from sexual activity.
Here is an interesting statistic: only 55% of women achieve orgasm during every other sexual intercourse; 30% of women experience an orgasm from time to time, whereas 5-10% of women have never had an orgasm during their lifetime. On the other hand, many women real sexual pleasure without achieving orgasm at all. Mutual sexual gratification is a lucky coincidence. Only 4% of women claim that they and their partners mostly come to orgasm simultaneously. More importantly, your chances of achieving orgasm will be greatly decreased if you feel too much anxiety while waiting for the arrival of the “Big O.” Besides, all other varieties of pleasure associated with lovemaking will pass you by if you direct all your efforts to achieving orgasm.
True love implies good sex
Most people believe in the above formula; otherwise life would be too unfair.
A bit of tar: It goes without saying that any joint effort, be it an apartment cleanup, a pleasure trip, or a romantic dinner, would be best if love and mutual understanding make part of it. However, even the most passionate love cannot offer you a 100% guarantee against failures. A failure can be seen as a normal mutual experience in the context of a relationship. It is just another problem that has to be addressed. A period when nothing seems to work out right can be used as a pretext for exchanging thoughts and developing creative potential of a couple. The situation will be a defeat if considered from the point of view of cult sex taken out of context.
In this case, the parties are likely to find faults with each other or start thinking about “sexual incompatibility.”
Sex creates the strongest bond
Many people support this viewpoint by asking their favorite question: Is there any other way of being really close?
A bit of tar: A biochemical mechanism is responsible for the feeling of closeness and togetherness during sexual activity. The feeling of closeness lasts for a few hours and largely has to do with the touch of the skin. The movements of genitalia do their bit at a much smaller scale. A desire for closeness and intimacy cannot be satisfied by sex. A stable relationship forms a solid foundation for closeness and intimacy. Sexual activity of the partners involved in a stable relationship gets into the context of a game that takes two; it is a game of mutual care and attention. Sex becomes an act of mutual masturbation once it falls out of this context; a brief encounter of the lonely genitals.
Long-lived happiness rests on sex
According to yet another myth, a long and happy relationship should be firmly based on regular sexual activity.
A bit of tar: Contrary to the myth, studies show that sex is not part and parcel of the life of partners who have maintained a happy and fruitful relationship for a long time. A knack for communicating with each other and finding solutions to problems in a joint effort is much more important. Not unlike sex, a sense of humor plays an important part in terms of a happy relationship. An everyday life of any couple is normally made up of shopping, breakfasts, children, plans, arguments and reconciliations, and a great deal of other usual routines. The role of sex in this case becomes obvious: sex is something that is used to spice up a relationship; it is a drop of honey added to life’s motley cocktail.
Translated by Guerman Grachev