There are many myths about men's sexual preferences. A well-known psychologist Annette Orlova helped us understand which of them are pure fiction, and which are true.
Myth 1. A man must hunt for sex; otherwise he would quickly cool off towards his woman.
“Men are hunters (real men), so the process of conquest is very important for them,” says Annette Orlova. “Today, of course, no one judges as strictly as twenty years ago, but men have certain images in their heads, some ideas that are like flashcards with notations: “a woman for friendship,” “a woman to love,” “a woman for entertainment.” The most difficult thing is to move from one category to another.
That is, if in his eyes you've earned the stamp “a girl for the evening, "regardless of how good you were, he will hardly likely be able to take you more seriously.
A similar conclusion was made, incidentally, by practicing American psychoanalyst Zooey Shtrimpel. According to her, men almost never consider a girl who had agreed to sex too easily as a potential partner. According to the elementary male logic, there is no point in starting a serious relationship if this lady is so easy and fast to get.
Myth 2. The more you ignore the man, the more he is interested in you.
This stereotype can be dangerous. Yes, on the one hand, the object of your interest may trigger the infamous instinct of the conqueror, and the man will start conquering you. But, on the other hand, many men are scared to death of any refusal, moreover, are discouraged to enter into a relationship at all. So we have to act carefully, with no theatrical gestures, depending on a situation.
“For example, when he calls, do not run headlong to the phone, but rather flirt a little, as if you have nothing in common,” Orlova recommends. “If you are really interesting to him, he would be lured and will play along, but if there is no sufficient interest there, he can quit and start looking for someone else is his phonebook. It all depends on a particular man, his views, and the image of the ideal woman he created for himself.”
Myth 3. After giving birth, a woman becomes sexually unattractive for a man.
Many couples experience intimate problems after childbirth, but they are not associated with men's whims, but rather, common household issues.
“Due to the complications associated with the housing issue, often three generations live under one roof, which is a violation of family unity and a source of constant stress,” states Annette Orlova. “In turn, stress is a factor that results in conflicts and intimacy problems. The boundaries of the family should be clear.
Moreover, as psychologists say, many men are, in essence, children themselves, and therefore the appearance of a new object of attention in the family makes them confused and causes a depression.
“When a man becomes a father, he experiences a crisis, as the woman shifts her attention to the child. During this period the man feels abandoned and may fall into depression.
Also, many “big boys,” having lost the attention of their wives, find solace at a computer monitor.
“Hours spent at the computer increase anxiety in humans and may also result in apathy and depression,” says Orlova. And depression and sex, as you know, do not go well together.
Myth 4. All men are polygamous by nature.
True. But not quite...
“Even the evolutionary order states that a man strives for the greatest number of sexual contacts. So, it is not surprising, though very disappointing for us, women,” Annette Orlova says.
But it is not so bad. The evolutionary features of male psychology often overlap with childhood experiences and traumas. Incidentally, this is a common problem for both sexes.
“An adult, a child, and a parent live in each of us. In different ways, in different situations, different roles manifest themselves. For example, if a man meets a woman much older than him, perhaps he is seeking the attention required by his inner little boy. Most likely, in his childhood he had a deficit of these feelings, or was forced to leave home early,” explains Orlova.
Myth 5. Men like unapproachable women.
Despite the instinct of a hunter we mentioned earlier, too proper and strict ladies can scare any Casanova away.
“When dealing with such women men feel that they are not looking for mere flirtation and game. They understand that here they will have to take some responsibility, at least on the emotional level, and men are very afraid of this,” says Orlova.
However, there should be a golden middle here. Recently, European psychologists found that men are repulsed by women's loud laughter, because they subconsciously perceive it as a sign of promiscuity. This means that excessive willingness to flirt is also not attractive for men, and they prefer to stay away from too frivolous ladies.
“Yes, men need women's sense of freedom, lightness, but it does not mean that she has to be accessible and frivolous,” explains Orlova. “What they need is game and passion.They do not need clarity at the first stage. It is therefore desirable for the first date to provide as little as possible information about yourself, listen more, do not talk about your dreams and hopes, and remain a mystery. Do not say right away that you are considering only serious relationship, do not initiate following meetings, and be the first one to leave. It is necessary to play cat and mouse just because it is more interesting for guys.”
Myth 6. Jealousy fuels man’s passion.
“Signs of attention from other men are beneficial for women,” states Annette Orlova. “It is a great aphrodisiac and can even strengthen the relationship in marriage. And if a woman is still indifferent to this attention, her value in the eyes of the men grows stronger.
And if you “play” for too long and allow the admirers to fully capture your attention, no macho will like it. In the end, you risk to hurt your man or even push him to an adultery, therefore, jealousy should be carefully dosed.”